Thesis 5: Empty Temples

Empty Temples

So you decide to start yourself a nice church. First, of course, you need a name, something that delivers a message that you’re not like all those other churches, because obviously you’re not. Crossfire Assembly. Streets of Gold Church. Stand Firm Unity Gathering. Diamond Halls. BoomTimeTemple.

At first, you worship in a home (because it sounds kind of biblical) but grow and soon have to move to a small rental space. You quickly outgrow that, too, but no worries (and btw hallelujah). You find another place to rent, a little bigger this time, but you outgrow that one, too. Right. Clearly, the only solution is to build.

You jump down the internet rabbit hole and discover that you’ll need 17 square feet per person to start. Great. You currently have 125 souls attending every week, and (PTL) a bunch of them are making babies, so you get excited about a facility that can grow with you. Dare you dream about a capacity of 300? Yes, you do. (Like Jesus said, “If you build it, they will come.”)

The math:

300 bodies x 17sf = 5100sf

5100sf x $295/sf (source) = $1,504,500

Huh. Big number. You acknowledge that building a church will involve some serious scratch, so you have nice meetings and pray that He will move history and financial resources in your favour and redirect a million and a half smackers to your little group of worshippers. And of course, He does, because He loves to bless good fundraising and well-negotiated mortgages as much as the next god, right?

You build. It’s fabulous: custom carpet squares and matching chairs, hand-carved pulpit and dais decorations, hung barnboard cross (with authentic nails sourced at Pottery Barn!), and enough cutting-edge AV gear to host a Lauren Daigle show. (Assuming she doesn’t backslide like all those other godless heathen bitches. You know who I’m talking about.)

And dear heaven, those first services smell so good. Like wood, paint, and new construction. Like victories won. Like Promises Kept. Like big crowds of clean, chosen, white people. #blessed #prosperity

But people change and populations move. Bigger, better churches spring up a short drive away. (With cooler names, too, dammit.) Jobs get lost and routines erode, babies stop getting made quite so often. Kids grow up and grow tired of yet another cool pastor “stepping down” after yet another sex scandal. Fewer bums warm fewer chairs. Inflation still happens, costs go up, salaries and fees and budgets get trimmed back because everyone pitches in for the sacrifices.

But lights can still get turned off. You shouldn’t forget to pay the internet bill. And hold the heck on (forgive the language!): banks can foreclose on churches? You voted conservative/republican/totalitarian in the last election and they promised blessings and fruitfulness. Isn’t there a law somewhere? What’s the point of being Christian and caucasian and suburban and affluent if you can’t get what you want, keep what you have, and keep getting more and more? Right?

Jesus died and rose again, after all, and you can’t tell me he went through all that just to see your beautiful church fail. You decide to fundraise the heck out of this (you’re so sorry for saying that, you don’t know what’s gotten in to you!)! You did it before, and can do it again!

What do you mean it’s too late? Maybe the pastor could talk to the bank…oh, wait, right, predator charges and jail and whatnot. (You totally forgive him, though, and of course he can have his job back when he gets out. #redeemingbloodofthelamb)

You hear mumbled voices from the back during a potluck prayer meeting (omg, that pulled pork, amirite?), something about stewardship and need and back to the basics and knowing when to let go, and they get drowned out, because investment and property and riches on earth and heaven, and you know a guy at city hall who can get involved and a lawyer who’s good at tying things up in court and no way will you let those godless heathens near the place, and yes, you’ll let that big, gorgeous building sit empty until the rapture, and why not borrow some more money to pay the upkeep as the plumbing and roof decay because that parable of the talents didn’t refer to real estate #obviously.

Why? Well, because the Holy Spirit told you to borrow and spend and build with a cool million and a half you didn’t have. And because churches need big buildings. The Bible tells you so.

Keywords: Empty Temples; Faith; Deconstruction; Religion; Christian; Christianity; Church; Sin; Corruption; Scandal; Bible; Abuse